Craving Constellations Read online

  “Um, hey. Have we met?”

  Christ. Her voice was sugar and spice and every fuckin’ fantasy I’d ever had.

  “Nope. I would’ve remembered that. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous.” God, could I be more of an asshole?

  “Ha. Thanks. You mind moving back a little? The hood of the car is still a little warm, and I’m burning my ass here.” She blushed.

  Holy fuck. I was amazed that she actually just blushed at me. Then, I realized that her ass was still on the hot car. I quickly took a step back, but not before I hooked my hands behind her knees so I could pull her forward. She made a startled noise and grabbed my shoulders as her ass cleared the end of the hood. Perfect. She wrapped her legs around my middle, trying to get her balance, and I slid my hands up the backs of her smooth thighs, finally resting them just underneath her shorts on her ass cheeks. She was exactly where I wanted her. Now, I just had to get her horizontal or against a wall. It didn’t really matter to me at this point.

  “Uh, I’m good, you know? You can, uh, just put me down anywhere. I mean, set me down. I can stand. No permanent damage.” She laughed nervously. “Really, we’re all good.”

  I tilted my head down, so our faces were just inches apart. Damn, she was small. At around six feet tall, I was no giant, but I felt massive next to her. She was looking at me with these wide green eyes, all innocent. Her face was still rosy from her blush, and her bottom lip was snagged between her teeth. Damn, she was sexy. I knew I was freaking her out, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  I lowered my head farther, and just when she thought I was going to kiss her, I turned my head and ran my beard and then my mouth down her neck. She smelled like cinnamon, and she tasted all tangy and fantastic. I wanted to fuckin’ consume her. So, I started with her neck. I bit and licked and sucked on her from her ear to her collarbone.

  At first, she pushed at me like she was trying to get away, but I knew that wasn’t the case. These girls came here for this. They came for a chance to fuck an Ace—or twenty—and carve a few notches on their tiny belts. I was sure some of the bitches were hoping to find a man, but that didn’t happen often. Brothers didn’t want sluts for old ladies. Fuck, with this girl though? I probably wouldn’t care if she’d fucked every brother in the club.

  I ignored it when she was pushing at me, but I sure as shit felt it when her body relaxed against mine, and her legs tightened around me. I had her. I strode to the corner of the building, still worshiping her neck and ears until we ran straight into a wall. And I mean, we ran into it. I was afraid for a second that I had hurt her until I heard a husky giggle in my neck.

  “In a hurry?” she asked with a smile in her voice.

  Fuck yes, I was in a hurry. Not only did I not want her to change her mind, but her legs were also wrapped so tightly around my back that they were digging into my tattoo. Her hands didn’t feel any better hanging on to my shoulders. I needed to pin her up against the wall to take some of the fuckin’ pressure off.

  “I’m Dragon.”

  I figured we should get the whole name bullshit out of the way. I wanted her to be screaming my name when she came—none of that generic shit and not the name I was given at birth. Everyone around the club started calling me Dragon the year before. The name came from a throw down I had with a local dealer. Dude’s name was Jorge, and I fucked his shit up. Bad. I did it quick, too. After that, the vice president of the MC, Poet, started calling me Dragon. Some shit about a story of St. George and the Dragon. I was fine with it. I earned it. New name. New life.

  She’d call me Dragon, and she’d know exactly who was fucking her. “I’ve got a room in the house. Why don’t I take you in there and make you scream it?”

  She blushed again even brighter than the first time and cleared her throat. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dragon. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. This was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t sleep with guys who I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sure I look like a total cock tease right now. Can you put me down?”

  She was wiggling around, and her legs had dropped from around my waist, so I was holding her by her knees again. I probably would have decided she wasn’t worth the hassle. I didn’t have to beg women or even seduce them to fuck them. They came to me, always had. Now that I got my cut, I had a feeling they’d be even thicker on the ground. Yeah, I would have decided that she wasn’t worth the trouble, but then the word cock came slipping out of those rosy lips. It didn’t fit her; she didn’t look like she’d even said the word before, but it was erotic as hell to watch it form on her lips. Plus, who the hell said cock tease? Fuckin’ adorable.

  “Christ, you’re sweet,” I mumbled, and I dove straight for those lips.

  She had some sticky sweet lip gloss on, and I licked it off before pushing inside her mouth. I had barely gotten my tongue inside before she started whimpering and grabbing at my hair. It was like she couldn’t get my face close enough to hers even though she was barely moving her lips. There was something about the way she did it though—the desperation—that made my dick twitch in anticipation. She needed it, and she was waiting for me to give it to her.

  As far as I was concerned, kissing was overrated—the kind of thing a man does to get a bitch in his bed. With her though, I could have tasted her mouth for days. She tasted slightly of beer, which I hadn’t noticed that she’d been drinking, and her tongue kept shyly reaching out from her mouth to rub against mine.

  “Let me have your tongue, baby,” I whispered against her mouth.

  I needed more of her. Where she was shy, I was greedy. I bit at her lips, sucking the top one and then the bottom. I groaned when she finally got more aggressive. When she sucked my tongue in her mouth, I thought I was going to pass out. Images of her sucking my cock the same way raced through my mind until her hands slid down my back. Even through the leather of my cut, her fingers felt like knives slicing through my skin.

  I hissed. “Fuck!”

  “What?” She looked up at me in confusion as I tried to ignore the tiny black spots dancing in my eyes.

  “Nothing. Come on, we’re going to my room. I want you naked in my bed.” I dropped her legs and grabbed one of her hands, dragging her behind me to one of the side doors.

  She tried to argue with me, but I didn’t pay attention. My back was on fire, my dick was hard as a fuckin’ rock, and I didn’t want anyone stopping us before I could get her naked.

  Thankfully, the door closest to us headed directly to the back hall where my room was. The clubhouse was a rectangle with garage bays on the west side that connected to a large room where we congregated. Behind that space was a long hallway lined with doors that ran the length of the room. Mine, thank fuck, was only three doors in, but we passed Grease on our way there. He did a double take as we passed and then called my name as I opened my door.

  “Stay here.” I pushed her inside, flipped the light, closed the door, and walked back toward him.

  “What’s up, man?” I asked him distractedly.

  “Hey, you sure you want to go there? Poet’s gonna fuck your shit up if you go there.” He was staring at my door.

  “You really asking me about where I put my dick? Want to get a latte and fuckin’ gossip, too?” I shook my head. “I’ll see you later…hopefully, not until morning. Don’t come knocking.” I gave him a look that promised retribution if he ignored me.

  I knew Poet didn’t have an old lady, and he didn’t seem to have a favorite with the other bitches either. Why the fuck would Poet care? I was just drunk enough and thinking with my dick, so I ignored the questions running through my head.

  Then, I went back to her.

  Boss dragged me back from five years ago with a few quick words.

  “Dragon, quit fuckin’ daydreamin’, and get your ass out there with Poet. See what the fuck is going on,” he snapped at me. “You too, Grease.”

  I shook my head and walked away from the Chevelle I was working on and out into the sunlight. I
caught up to Poet pretty quickly because he had stopped in the middle of the forecourt, staring at a woman standing next to an old Corolla. What the fuck? That couldn’t be her. The lady was wearing a fuckin’ cardigan. Her hair was not the bold-as-hell red that I remembered; it was more of a strawberry blonde and sleek with no curls in sight. It wasn’t her. No way. This lady would never cut up an old Doors T-shirt, making sure that she didn’t mess up Morrison’s bone structure. She’d never fuck a man the first night she met him. She’d never spend hours lying on his chest, telling him about the constellations and their meanings. And I could never, ever see this lady down on her knees sucking a man’s cock like it was the best fuckin’ lollipop she’d ever tasted.

  I didn’t realize how hard I’d been breathing until it started to slow. Poet was just standing there. This bitch must be lost. I thanked Christ and all the apostles. Poet mocked my thanks when he started moving—fast. He was across the forecourt in a matter of seconds, and as I watched, her mouth formed one word—Pop.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears. Five years later, and she showed up out of the fuckin’ blue. No warning and no word for five goddamn years, and she just drove in like it’s nothing, like she didn’t leave her dad—or me—high and dry. Fury raced through me, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that my heart was beating hard against my ribs as Poet wrapped his arms around her. Then, I swear to Christ, I felt it stop as I watched her face pale and her body go limp.

  After Brenna passed out, everything happened in a blur. Poet caught her, but as he started to walk past her car to bring her inside, his eyes caught on something in her backseat, and he hesitated.

  “Dragon! Come get Brenna! Take her to my room, yeah?”

  I was stepping forward to grab her when I realized exactly what Poet was looking at in the backseat—a kid. A kid who didn’t look anything like Brenna. At first, I wondered if she’d fuckin’ lost it and stolen someone’s kid. Why else would she be here? Shit. Not my problem. But I couldn’t move. I was frozen, standing by that piece of shit Toyota. Poet’s voice was nothing more than a buzz in my ears.

  I think Grease ended up taking Brenna inside, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the little girl. After what seemed like hours later but had to be only minutes, Poet opened the back door and unbuckled the kid from her seatbelt. It was the strangest thing. She was crying, but she wasn’t making any noise or trying to get away. She just sat there on his arm. Stoic. She was a fuckin’ statue, except for those tears.

  I couldn’t figure out why the fuck I was frozen. I was just standing there like an asshole, a lot like the way I had reacted to seeing Brenna for the first time. Poet just kept talking to the girl, trying to get a response, but she was as closed up as a bank vault. Her eyes were darting around the yard though, so I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with her. She was assessing the situation like a little general—finding all of her escape routes and possible enemies.

  When her eyes lit on mine, I finally understood why I couldn’t move, why my chest felt like it was going to explode, and why I was as silent as she was. I knew the reason she didn’t look like Brenna. She surprised everyone in the courtyard by reaching her hands toward me. She didn’t say a word, but her intention was clear. Poet looked back and forth between the two of us several times before realization dawned. The fury on his face would have concerned me if I was aware of it, but as I took her into my arms, she was my sole focus. Her face was mine. Her dark brown eyes were mine. The dimple that showed when she bit the inside of her cheek was mine. She was mine. She didn’t look like her mother because she was a replica of me.

  Fuckin’ Brenna. The fuckin’ bitch had kept my kid from me.

  When Dragon and Trix walked through the door, my breath caught on a painful gasp. How many times had I dreamed of this? It was both a nightmare and a fantasy. I’d ached for him while my belly grew, when I felt little arms and legs reaching for the surface, when I went into labor far too soon, when they put my face under the mask and asked me to count backward, and when I woke up after my emergency C-section. The first time I’d held our child to my breast, and every moment, every milestone, every smile Trix had given me reminded me of him.

  He’d been the face I sought in my memory every time my husband hit me. Every time I thought I had reached my breaking point, I’d pictured the crinkles at the sides of his eyes and the feel of his beard on my neck. He’d been my strength but also the reason I had waited so long to leave. I’d used him to keep me strong because the man I had known would have been everything I needed. He was also everything we had to stay away from. This life was not what I wanted for my girl, and I knew once he saw her, we would never be able to leave—ever.

  I sat motionless as I watched Trix with her arms wrapped tightly around Dragon’s neck. Had she ever held anyone but me like that? I didn’t think so. As soon as she caught a glimpse of me, she wiggled to be let down. Dragon held her a little tighter, and she turned to him with a questioning gaze. He finally gave her back a little rub and set her on the hardwood floor.

  “Mama!” she called quietly as she ran to the bed.

  Before she could reach me, Pop raised his arm as if to slow her down. “Be careful, lass!”

  Trix stopped instantly. It would have been comical if not for the sheer terror on her face, her little arms quickly shielding her head. She looked at me for direction.

  “Aw, Pop,” I whispered, “my girl is always careful. Aren’t you, baby? Climb on up here with Mama. I need a snuggle from my favorite girl.”

  She hesitated for a moment before rushing toward me again. I felt Pop’s body tense as she stumbled, but she did exactly as I knew she would. As soon as she reached the side of the bed, opposite of Pop, she slowed to a crawl and gingerly climbed up next to me.

  “There’s my girl. Mama fell asleep. Did you see that outside? I’m such a dork. We’ve been driving so long, and once we got here, I just fell right asleep in my pop’s arms, just like you do with me! I’m sorry if you got scared, honey. Did I freak you out?”

  She was so snug against me, and I couldn’t see her face, but I felt her slowly nod her head into my side.

  “Ah, well, there’s nothing to be scared of here. This is my pop’s house. Remember I told you about him and his long beard that’s just like Santa? You can just stay right here by me for a while until you get comfortable, yeah? Then, maybe we can go outside and play for a bit,” I whispered to her.

  While I spoke softly to Trix, Dragon watched us from the doorway. I could feel his gaze on me, but I stubbornly refused to look up. Call it cowardice, but I wasn’t ready to see his reaction to Trix. I knew he was pissed, and frankly, I had enough on my plate at the moment.

  For a couple of minutes, we all sat in silence, and I used that time to take inventory of Pop’s room. Other than the god-awful yellow walls, things hadn’t changed much. While I was growing up, we’d had a house in town, so I’d rarely seen the inside of this room. The few times I had been in here, I’d tried to memorize everything.

  Pop had bookshelves filled to overflowing with everything from Tolstoy to Kerouac. That was how he’d gotten his name. I never knew what he did in Ireland or how he’d ended up here. We didn’t speak of it, but I knew that the old president had started calling him Poet because of the books he carried around folded in half in the back pocket of his jeans. The man may have spent his life running guns, but he sure as hell was well-read.

  Trix finally raised her head from my armpit and started talking. I thought she was trying to whisper, but as any parent with a four-year-old knew, four-year-old whispering was her talking at a normal level with her hand covering half of her face.

  “Is that Dragon? Like you told me? The Dragon that rides on a motorcycle? He said his name was Dragon.” She paused for a second, her little eyebrows raised to her wispy hairline. “Is it?”

  At her words, Dragon took two steps into the room and then stopped. I slowly lifted my head and met his eyes, but I couldn’t read his
expression. “Yeah, baby,” I replied, not looking away from his face, “he’s the one I told you about.” For a moment, I thought I saw surprise and a flash of pain, but whatever emotions he was feeling were quickly masked.

  “Okay. Who’s that?” she whispered again, pointing at my father.

  “Ah, that’s my pop. Your gramps. I bet if you said hello he’d give you a licorice.”

  As long as I could remember, Pop had carried around little ropes of licorice, and I hoped that little habit hadn’t changed. Licorice was Trix’s favorite. I loved it that she shared that with Pop, and I’d been giving them to her since she could chew them. When we were away, it made me feel like they had a connection somehow even though I’d never expected for them to meet.

  “Well, now, I do believe I have a piece here somewhere…” he muttered, patting his pockets as if searching.

  I could tell that Trix was trying to work up the courage to say something. Her little body was wiggling in anticipation as she sat at my side. Finally, Pop grabbed a piece of candy off the top of his nightstand and looked expectantly at Trix.

  “Hi, Gramps,” she said quietly and then held out her hand, waiting for her treat.

  “Well, there you go, pretty girl. You want another, you’re going to have to get out from under your ma’s arm there. Ya can’t be getting the sheets all messy, or I’ll be sticking to them for a month!” he exclaimed with raised eyebrows.

  Trix giggled softly next to me. It was my absolute favorite sound in the world, and I could tell Pop was thrilled he was wearing her down. Trix was funny. She had always been very shy around people she didn’t know until I gave her the all clear. Once that happened, she warmed up to them pretty quickly. Her trust in me was absolute, and after the week we’d had, I wondered if her trust was misplaced. It had always been harder for her to warm up to men for obvious reasons, but the fact that I was so comfortable with Pop must have made her feel secure. She had surprised me with Dragon though. I was definitely not comfortable around him. However, since they walked in and he put her down, she’d been glancing his way as if waiting for him to speak. I couldn’t even wrap my head around the fact that she had been clinging to him like a damn spider monkey when they walked in.